I was raised in an era in which kids were expected to learn about God in a room with a trained Christian professional. (I cannot help but lurch in my chair as I type the phrase Christian professional). It is likely unfair to say that my age group is unique. Maybe it wasn’t just the millennial generation that was dropped at the brightly colored doorways that entered into rooms covered in murals of popular Bible stories. Perhaps it is endemic to American Christendom that there is generally a solid wall between the church and the outside world. Presumably, there are others who have experienced this great divide between the secular world and religious teachings that we employ happy-go-lucky youth pastors to disseminate to minors.
But why does this chasm exist between regular folk, their children, and the church? Why has the spiritual formation of children become a separate, professionalized endeavor?
There is a saying that I have heard within church circles that goes something like this: “Where kids ministry goes, the church goes.” Don’t get me wrong, I am all for times and places set aside for children to hear about Jesus in a way that is catered to their growing minds and distracted hearts. After all, Jesus told the disciples to let the little children to come to Him. As we (The District Church) process through how we can best serve and love kids in our context, we want to do so prayerfully and practically, looking at how to hold attention and show the Gospel to our kids in a way that connects. There is no getting around that weighty responsibility. That being said, the best kid's ministry will never solely fulfill the lofty task of effectively discipling the next generation.
The main reason that a weekly meeting (or two), alongside a summer camp, a Christian conference, and a fun youth pastor will not accomplish this task is because it was never meant to.
God’s plan for growing and developing your children into committed followers of Jesus is simple. It is you. You are plan A. Parents, grandparents, and other adults in a young person’s life are the most trustworthy people in a child’s life.
When your relationship with Jesus is transforming your character, it pours out of you, like a cup that sits under a forever-flowing faucet. For better or for worse, your everyday life has a greater impact on your child’s life than any kids’ ministry. Your words carry an exponentially heavier weight than anyone else’s. This means that the best teacher for the young person in your life is likely you.
It is impossible to get away from the reproductive nature of life. What we sow, we reap. If you are inconsistent and apathetic in your pursuit of Jesus, it does not matter how great the youth group is that you drop your kid off for daycare. You are far more likely to reproduce a smaller version of yourself, inconsistency and apathy intact. The old saying is far truer than most of us want it to be: there is more caught than taught with children.
So, what is the best kids’ ministry? First and foremost, it is the health and depth of your pursuit of Jesus. Are you engaging with Jesus daily? Is He humbling you, changing you, and forming you into someone who is more dependent upon Him? If not, why would you expect growth in someone who is half your size and (hopefully) drastically less mature and self-aware than you?
Second, how are you engaging your children (or those young people in your circle of influence)? Are you intentional? Do you ask them questions? Do you share what you are learning about Jesus and life? Do you actively point them to the Lord?
Third, do you follow up with these kids after they take their brief stint in children’s ministry? When was the last time you asked what they learned on a Sunday? You may even find out they have something to teach you or challenge you on. At the very least they will learn that you have a deeper interest in God.
Sending your children to Sunday School, or summer camp can be a wonderful thing, but we should not be surprised if it stays there, unless we are intentionally engaging our kids outside of that time. Tether yourself to someone who is raising their children in the Lord; watch how they pursue God and their children. Ask questions. Take notes. Then, repeat it… even when it is awkward and unnatural.
Give your children more of the Gospel to catch, so that they might be better taught, by you and those that you trust. Recognize that your kids will not likely go where you have failed to go yourself. You are the best kids’ ministry for the children around you!