Anyone else have a kid or three that they would like to change their behavior? Ya… me too. In fact, almost all of our battles that we find ourselves in revolve around behavior. It took me a long time to learn this and truthfully, I’m still not great at it but, I figured out that behavior modification wasn’t really what I wanted. I mean sure if my kids behaved perfectly around me It would cause me a whole lot less grief and discomfort…. that’s the key isn’t’ it? I want to be comfortable. Well unfortunately for my dreams of an easy life, parenting is anything but comfortable. You may be wondering if managing our kid’s behaviors isn’t the main goal or task then what is? For me, I figured out that if my kids wanted to they could easily alter their behavior without ever changing their heart… and If I don’t have their heart then we don’t have a real relationship, which means when they move out… well… they probably aren’t coming back. Not for the right reasons anyway. When I think about life in 20 years, I imagine the joy of friendship with my adult children, their spouses, and maybe a couple grandkids; Elijah will be 27 by then… haha! That said behavior modification just falls short of what I want. I need to focus on heart-level change and not behavior… getting to the root of their struggle and helping them find Jesus there so that they can find real healing and change from the struggles they are experiencing. This is where modeling comes in… I simply cannot expect or hope for my kids to seek sincere forgiveness from others if I don’t. I can’t tell you the number of times I have come back to my kids and said man, “I really messed up and overreacted…. Will you forgive me? I love you so much and I never want to make you feel the way I just made you feel.” I’ve even gone as far as to give myself consequences that the kids approve of just so that they see how seriously I take my relationship with them. I genuinely want to be a good dad and I want them to know that I know I’m not perfect. When I am praying over them before bed each night I almost always close with “Lord help me be a good dad for Elijah, Judah, or Grayson.” I know I can’t have a great family in 20 years without God’s help, if it’s all on me I’ll screw it up one way or another and that’s why I practice repentance with my family when I do.